hold me back, please?

I am frustrated and cranky. Why wouldn’t I be, anyone living my life would have either escaped or committed suicide. I don’t know which thread is holding me back.

Everyday I jump out of bed, close my bedroom door and dance, I am not really a good dancer or pursing it, I just dance to let the frustration go, let the music take over my senses and eliminate the anger inside me; music therapy.  I dance thinking that I’d be a little more active through the day, a lot less unstable. I fail daily. Once I was done dancing for an hour and was caked with sweat I opened the curtains, it was bloody raining! Lets face it, I love rain in summers, and I’d jump out in it, but in winters it’s just depressing, I want the sun then. The rain just put me in a depressing mood. After my shower the whole house looked awfully dark, it was like evening had come early.

Empty walls that surrounded me seemed like they’d eat me up. I couldn’t read. I had a knot in the pit of my stomach, the awful pain. The nagging started just around that time, and after that, I obviously didnt have a minute to myself till now. I get this dull ache in my head sometimes and I am pretty sure I’ll lose my mind. Maybe I will. Maybe that will bring mercy.